Sorry, vodafone, I just don’t have the time

I’ve just organised a new phone deal for my son. Yea gods it was worth than pulling teeth. Clearly Vodafone staff have been told to drag their heels, refuse to listen to their customers and blatantly waste their time in an attempt to get them to give up trying to leave!

For your delectation I give you – in it’s full glory – the 30 minutes of my life I won’t get back – and this after having spent an earlier section of the chat trying to gain access to my online account!!

Info at 12:51, Mar 6:
Please wait while you’re being transferred to the appropriate team.
Info at 12:51, Mar 6:
You’re now chatting with Lydia Georgia. Please note this conversation may be recorded for training and quality purposes. For more information on how we handle your personal data please visit our privacy policy at vodafone.co.uk/privacy.

Lydia Georgia at 12:51, Mar 6:
Hi, you’re speaking with Lydia today one of Vodafone’s retention specialists, I can see that this chat has been transferred from another department, please allow me a few moments to read back your previous chat.

Lydia Georgia at 12:53, Mar 6:
Good Afternoon Adrian, I hope you are well
I understand the number in question is xxxxxxx, bear with me a moment whilst I load your account on my system

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 12:56, Mar 6:
??

Lydia Georgia at 12:57, Mar 6:
I can see you have already been through security with the previous agent
Lydia Georgia at 12:57, Mar 6:
I understand you are looking for a PAC code with your number, May I ask why you have decided to not upgrade this pay monthly service with Vodafone?

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 12:57, Mar 6:
Because I can get a better deal elsewhere

Lydia Georgia at 12:57, Mar 6:
Would you be kind enough as to share the deal you have seen else where with me please?

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 12:58, Mar 6:
no

Lydia Georgia at 12:59, Mar 6:
The reason I ask is that I work in a very flexible team here and as such are able to offer you some great discounts to reward you for your loyalty that you may not be aware of.

I can offer you fantastic discounts on both handsets or SIM only plans – Would you be looking to upgrade to a new phone?

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:00, Mar 6:
I’ve done my research already. If you really cared you would have offered better deals on your website – as we know better deals are always ogfered to new customers than existing customers- that’s just the way you guys work – you don’t reward loyalty enough!
CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:03, Mar 6:
??

Lydia Georgia at 13:03, Mar 6:
I can see you have been with us for a very long time now Adrian, I completely understand you’re looking to reduce the costs when it comes to an upgrade – I’m like that myself with my pay monthly agreements and want to get the best possible for my money.

It would be a shame to waste such good deals and offers and lose a valued and loyal customer like yourself.
I do respect your decision to leave but I can often tailor make a plan to suit your needs and usage, if you tell me what is important to you for your plan and budget then I will see exactly what we can get you today, it’s always worth a look

Lydia Georgia at 13:05, Mar 6:
I can look into your usage for you as well to find the best possible plan for your upgrade whether it is a handset or a SIM only plan

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:06, Mar 6:
Right now I’m thinking to myslef that you are wasting my time. You are already going to charge me an early termination charge – perhaps I should counter charge you for wasting my time….

Lydia Georgia at 13:07, Mar 6:
I can see you are within the last 30 days of your agreement Adrian so if you were to cancel or request a PAC code you will only receive a final bill and there would be no early termination charge.

If you were to upgrade as well there would be no charges included either

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:09, Mar 6:
So issue me with the PAC code I requested – I can see from my bill I’ve already paid you up to 3rd April…

Lydia Georgia at 13:10, Mar 6:
Yes but from when you use your PAC code a final bill will be generated – this will be for the usage up until your number has transferred to your new network provider

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:10, Mar 6:
So I’ll be issued a credit if I can get things sorted quicker then….

Lydia Georgia at 13:11, Mar 6:
Once you have been disconnected, the final bill for the number will be created on the next billing date after the disconnection has occurred, this bill will include confirmation of the disconnection and any refunds for extra line rentals paid the previous month.

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:12, Mar 6:
still waiting….

Lydia Georgia at 13:12, Mar 6:
Looking at your usage as an example of what we can offer – for a SIM only with your discount in mind I can offer you 1000 minutes, unlimited texts and 3GB of 4G data on a 12 month SIM only plan for £9.00 per month including VAT

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:13, Mar 6:
FFS enough – I have given you the required notice that I am not going to renew or extend my contract with you. Please issue me with a PAC which I can take to my new provider!

Lydia Georgia at 13:15, Mar 6:
Certainly, I understand. The only reason I am asking as above is because as you will appreciate I have a job to do and as part of the retention’s department I also have to look into retaining a customer as well.

I appreciate that you are busy, we can certainly help you with your request today as quickly as possible. We would however, not like to you to make any hasty decisions to leave though as we are here to make sure you are offered the best plan.

Lydia Georgia at 13:15, Mar 6:
I can finish that request for a PAC code now, bear with me a moment please

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:16, Mar 6:
No you are wasting my time…22 minutes of it to be precise so far

CANT ACCESS MY ACCOUNT at 13:17, Mar 6:
Finally!!

Lydia Georgia at 13:17, Mar 6:
Won’t be a moment 🙂

Lydia Georgia at 13:19, Mar 6:
You will receive the PAC via an SMS, which will be sent in the next 2 hours.
It will be sent directly to the mobile phone number to which it is assigned, and will be valid for 30 days only.
Once you have been disconnected, the final bill for the number will be created on the next billing date after the disconnection has occurred, this bill will include confirmation of the disconnection and any refunds for extra line rentals paid the previous month.

Please note you must use your PAC to disconnect the number, you do this by supplying your new provider with the PAC, if you do not use the PAC within the validity period of 30 days your service will remain connected and you will continue to be billed monthly for the number.
Lydia Georgia at 13:21, Mar 6:
Is there anything else I can help you out with at all today ?

…and now you see the reason for the title of this post!!

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